Why your "toxic" workplace is actually abusive (and what to do about It)
If you've been navigating work, you've probably heard someone describe their workplace as "toxic." Maybe you've used that word yourself. It's become our go-to term for environments that drain us, demoralize us, or leave us questioning our sanity.
But what if that word is actually keeping us stuck?
In my recent conversation with Alla Weinberg, CEO of Spoken Wheel and author of A Culture of Safety, we dove deep into workplace trauma and it was one of those conversations that left me completely rethinking how we talk about harmful work environments.
Here are three insights that might just shift how you see your own workplace experience.
Stop Saying "Toxic", Start Naming Abuse
Here's the uncomfortable truth: many of the workplaces we casually label as "toxic" are actually abusive. Alla made this distinction crystal clear, and honestly, it hit me like a lightning bolt.
When we say "toxic," it feels vague, almost abstract. Like something we just have to endure or work around. But when we name workplace abuse for what it is: emotional manipulation, power hoarding, systematic undermining, suddenly we're talking about something that requires real action, not just coping strategies.
This isn't about being dramatic or playing victim. It's about clarity. When you can name what's happening to you, you can start making different choices about how to respond.
Think about your current or past work situations. What behaviors have you normalized as just "bad culture" that might actually be forms of abuse? The manager who publicly humiliates team members? The organization that demands endless sacrifice while giving nothing back? The colleague who consistently takes credit for your work?
Naming it is the first step to reclaiming your power around it.
Real Safety Isn't Found in Your Employee Handbook
Here's what most organizations get wrong about workplace safety: they think it's about policies, procedures, and HR departments. But Alla's research reveals something much deeper: true safety is fundamentally relational.
You can have the most comprehensive anti-harassment policy in the world, but if the actual relationships in your workplace are built on fear, competition, and power-over dynamics, you're still not safe. Real safety happens when:
You can speak up without fear of retaliation
Feedback flows in all directions, not just top-down
Mistakes are learning opportunities, not career killers
Your humanity is acknowledged, not just your productivity
This insight completely reframes how we evaluate our work environments. Instead of asking "Do they have good policies?" we might ask "Can I be myself here without fear?"
For those of us who've been conditioned to just put our heads down and push through, this is revolutionary. Your nervous system knows the difference between policy safety and relational safety—and it's been trying to tell you all along.
The Future of Leadership Might Be Circular
One of the most hopeful parts of our conversation was exploring alternatives to the traditional hierarchical power structures that often perpetuate workplace trauma. Alla introduced me to the concept of circular or shared leadership—and it felt like a breath of fresh air.
Instead of power being concentrated in one person or small group (who may or may not use it responsibly), circular leadership distributes authority and decision-making throughout the organization. Think of it as leadership that moves around the circle based on expertise, capacity, and the needs of the moment.
This isn't just feel-good theory—it's a practical model that reduces the potential for abuse while creating more resilient, adaptive organizations. When everyone has a stake in collective wellbeing, the whole system becomes healthier.
Now, I know what you might be thinking: "That sounds nice, but I don't run the company." But you can start practicing shared leadership principles in your own sphere of influence, however small. Share information, distribute credit, invite collaboration, and model the change you want to see.
Your Healing Matters
If you've experienced workplace trauma, your healing matters, not just for you, but for everyone who comes after you. Every time someone breaks the cycle of normalized dysfunction, they create space for something better to emerge.
This work isn't just about individual survival (though that's important too). It's about collectively reimagining what work can be when it honors our humanity instead of exploiting it.
Your nervous system has been keeping score, even when your mind tried to rationalize away the harm. Listen to it. Trust it. And know that you deserve to work in an environment that doesn't require you to abandon yourself to succeed.
Connect with Alla
🎧 Want to go deeper?
Listen to the full episode of In Her Words to hear Alla chat about creating genuinely safe work environments.
