Letting go of should's
We live in a world full of should’s.
If you’ve ever felt the tension between what you should do and what you actually want, you’re not alone. So many folks I work with come carrying the weight of others’ expectations, quietly wondering if they’re allowed to want more, or something different.
Here’s the truth:
You don’t need permission to live a life or career that reflects your values.
What Are “Shoulds,” Really?
“Shoulds” often come disguised as helpful advice or conventional wisdom. But under the surface, they’re usually tied to:
Fear of disappointing others
Pressure to meet external benchmarks of success
Internalized beliefs from family, culture, or workplace norms
A nervous system that associates risk with danger
And here’s the tricky part: many “shoulds” sound reasonable. But they quietly disconnect you from your own truth.
Common Career “Shoulds”
“I should stay—this job is stable.” → Even if it’s draining you.
“I should want more responsibility.” → Even if leadership in your current org doesn’t align with your values.
“I should stick with this path—I’ve already invested so much.” → Even if it no longer excites or fulfills you.
These beliefs create invisible walls, keeping you stuck in roles, identities, and rhythms that no longer fit.
Moving From “Should” to Values
So how do you start making decisions based on values, not external pressure?
Here’s a simple 4-step framework I use with clients:
1. Pause and Get Honest
When you notice a “should” creeping in, gently ask:
“Whose voice is this?”
“Is this actually true for me?”
Naming the source: whether it’s a parent, boss, or an old story; is the first step to loosening its grip.
2. Identify Your Core Values
Values are your internal compass. When you make decisions in alignment with them, things feel lighter, even when they’re hard.
Try reflecting on:
When do I feel most energized or at peace at work?
What do I want more of in my next role or chapter?
Which values feel non-negotiable right now?
Not sure where to start? Values like freedom, creativity, stability, connection, impact, and growth are common touchpoints.
3. Practice Decision-Making From Alignment
Once your values are clear, ask:
“What decision would I make if I trusted my values more than the pressure?”
This doesn’t mean you’ll eliminate fear, but it does mean you’ll be choosing from a place of inner integrity.
4. Create a Supportive Ecosystem
When you stop living by “shoulds,” you might challenge others’ expectations. That can feel lonely. Find people who support your alignment, even if your path looks different.
Coaches, mentors, value-aligned peers, and community spaces can remind you: you’re not alone in choosing differently.
Final Thoughts
Letting go of “shoulds” is a radical act of self-trust. It requires you to step outside the familiar, say no to what’s misaligned, and anchor into a version of success that feels true, not performative.
It’s not always easy. But it’s worth it.
Because at the end of the day, a career built on pressure will burn you out.
A career built on values will sustain you.
