How to network in a way that is authentic to you
“I HATE NETWORKING!”
This is one of the most common things I hear from clients as they gear up for a job search. And honestly, I get it. Networking is a loaded term that comes with a ton of assumptions and preconceived notions.
The Myths of Networking
When people think of networking, often what comes to mind are images of someone effortlessly navigating conference conversations or sliding into LinkedIn DMs with ease.
As a neurodivergent leader, I used to DREAD the idea of networking. That is, until I took the time to reframe and redefine what it meant for me.
Why Networking Feels So Intimidating
At its core, networking can be intimidating because it requires vulnerability. You can’t control how others will respond—if they’ll read your message, let alone reply to it. And that uncertainty can be scary. It can even feel a bit like rejection, leading to thoughts like, “What’s wrong with me?!”
But here’s the truth: not getting a response has nothing to do with you. Everyone is juggling their own set of circumstances. They might be overwhelmed at work, dealing with personal challenges, or simply not have the bandwidth at the moment. It’s rarely about you.
It’s Time to Rethink Networking
It doesn’t have to be this way. In fact, I encourage clients to throw out the term “networking” altogether and instead, think about it as relationship building. Reflect on questions like:
What does relationship building mean to you?
What are your hopes and dreams when it comes to relationships, both inside and outside of work?
Who do you want to be when you’re building relationships? (For example, how do you want to feel, and what energy do you want to bring?)
How have you successfully built relationships in the past?
How would you like to build relationships moving forward?
Redefining What Works for You
Building relationships doesn’t have to fit the traditional “networking” mold. It’s about finding what works best for you. This could mean reconnecting with former colleagues or friends over lunch, rather than trying to forge brand-new connections from scratch. It might involve group settings or 1:1 conversations—whatever aligns with your strengths and goals.
What’s Worked for Me
Personally, I reframed networking as “building relationships.” As an avid gardener, I like to think of it as planting seeds. Some relationships bloom with a little nurturing, while others might not grow at all—and that’s okay. I’ve learned that I thrive in 1:1 settings, whether it’s a video chat, phone call, or email exchange. These allow me to go deep and connect on a meaningful level. On the other hand, I often find large groups to be overstimulating and surface-level.
So, if I attend a conference or event, my goal isn’t to collect a stack of business cards. Instead, I focus on making one or two genuine connections that I can follow up on later.
Putting It into Practice
As we approach the end of the year, take a moment to reflect: What kind of relationships do you want to build in the months ahead? How can you approach these connections in a way that feels authentic and energizing for you?
